Stalker
by BerryBella
Summary: A new substitue teacher has her eyes on Edward, and everything goes down hill from there... Pure randomness.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I wish I owned Twilight.**

**A/N: So this is basically a collection of one-shots or two-shots that happen in Forks High School. I don't really like writing actual stories, so I decided this would be a good idea. This first one is in two parts, so please review! (So I can get better, and the fact that I just like reviews.) :D **

A delicious scent of freesias filled the room as Bella walked in gym. I smiled at her and held her soft hand.

"I'm so glad you're in this class too." she said.

I recently changed into gym with Bella after bribing the counselor with chocolates and flowers. Standing next to the door was our substitute teacher, a 20-year old with a frightening amount of makeup on. Her hair was dyed a platinum blonde, and her boobs were the size of basketballs. Good thing Bella can't hear me.

_Ooh la la, who is that sexy piece of meat over there?,_ the substitute thought.

Okay, these are the times when I really wish I couldn't hear other people's thoughts. Bella was standing there sweetly staring at me. I felt completely violated from this random person, not that this was the first time.

"Do you think the substitute is hot?" she asked suddenly.

"My god, Bella, absolutely not." I said a little too rudely.

"I'm kidding, Edward." she laughed.

"Sorry love, I'm trying to keep her insane thoughts out of my head. Emmett was thinking about how she was 'eye-raping' me." I said.

Bella giggled, then accidentally snorted. Then she pressed her blushing face into her hands. It was so cute.

Then I felt the stare of the sub again. She was looking at my chest.

Everyone sat down on the bleachers. Mike Newton plopped down next to me as the disgusting scent of cheap hair gel and cologne drifted my way. I scooted further from him and set my arms around Bella. Her heart thudded loudly.

"AHEM!" the sub said in an irritating voice. "I am like your substitute teacher, and my name is like Ms. Amber. We are still gonna like run and stuff, so like don't fool around. Like yeah, that's all."

Blood crept up Bella's cheeks, and she was stifling a laugh. So was I.

_Oh my gosh. The girl next to the sexy beast just like, laughed at me, _the sub thought.

I stopped laughing.

"Um, excuse me, girl sitting next to the boy with bronze hair. Do you think I'm funny?" she asked, while placing a hand on one hip.

"Like, no." Bella said in a perfect imitation.

I heard Emmett quietly chuckle when I did. I rolled my eyes at Ms. Amber. She just stood there, completely clueless that she just got insulted.

"That's like what I thought. So today, we are like going to do like push ups, first!" she said eagerly, never breaking eye contact with me.

"That's like for first graders, and that's so like boring!" someone yelled.

"Like suck it up!" she said, popping the 'p' "Why don't we have gorgeous bronze haired boy over there like come and do an example?"

_That way I can like touch his fine ass._

Ms. Amber is creeping me out. Bella looked at me with one eyebrow raised.

"I'm sure everyone knows how to do a push up Ms. Amber." I said in a monotone, not trying to give her any wrong leads.

Haha Eddie, this is revenge, Emmett thought as I mentally slapped myself.

"I don't know how to do a pushup, why not show us, dear Edward?" Emmett said.

"Yes, come down _Edward_." she said.

I let go of Bella to walk down the steps and swore to kill Emmett later. I walked down, and Ms. Amber stared at me. Her stupid boobs were so freaking big it was hard to stare elsewhere. It was extremely awkward, so I tried to look at Bella.

"Good. Now Edward, please do 5 push-ups. Do them very slowly so we all get it." she said as I layed down on the ground.

1,

_My god, look at those muscles..._

2,

_His ass is so fine..._

3,

_I wish I could like touch it._

4,

_I want to like smother him in honey and then like devour him like a hungry bear._

5,

_Are my boobs too small?_

I stood up, refusing to make eye content. She was practically screaming her thoughts at me. Some of the girls in the class were staring at me, but not as creepily as she was.

"That was very good. Those push-ups were amazing." she said.

She leaned over to hug me, but I quickly climbed up the bleachers.

_Wow Edward, Wow._ Emmett thought.

"Now everybody. Get with like a partner and each do 50 push-ups each. Like separately. You have like 3 minutes." she said.

"Want to be my partner?" I asked Bella.

"Of course!" she said.

We walked down the bleachers again. Ms. Amber was like glaring at Bella, like she seriously wanted to like kill her. _Oh no. I'm starting to talk like her._

"Would you like to go first?" I politely asked.

"Haha, no way. Go ahead." she said.

I shrugged and started push-ups. Bella looked at me with a mixture of awe and jealousy.

"You know, you can talk to me right now. I can count at the same time." I said.

"Okay. So is it just me, or is the substitute into you?" she asked.

"She's into me. You have no idea how scary her thoughts are."

"Isn't that sexual harassment?"

"Just what I thought."

Ms. Amber was walking around checking on everybody, but her mind was still one me.

"Edward, I don't think I can do any pushups." she pouted.

"Yes you can Bella, probably not 50 though, that's a ridiculous amount." I reassured her."She probably won't even notice.

Ms. Amber blew the whistle into the speakerphone.

"That was like three minutes, so like switch." she said.

Then she started walking towards my direction. I just ignored it and told Bella to do as many pushups as she could. Ms. Amber must've put two bottles worth of perfume on herself.

"Edward, I'd like to like talk with you like outside the hall for like a little bit." she said, then pointing to Bella. "You are in charge while I talk to Eddie here."

Bella just nodded and gave me a pity stare. I'm glad she didn't think that I was actually interested in her. Emmett gave me a dude-she's-totally-going-to-molest-you-more stare.

As soon as we were outside, she pressed a finger up to my lips. I ripped them away from me as non-aggressively as possible.

"I've been watching you Edward, and I know how much you want me." she said.

"Um. No. First of all, I'm an interested at all. Second of all, you need help." I said as politely as possible before walking toward the door.

Just as I reached the door handle, she ran her fingers up my arm. I groaned and walked away.

"You're so cold Eddie, I could warm you up." she said slowly.

"Stop molesting me, you creeper!" I said, I didn't really have the patience to be polite right now.

She was still staring at me when I walked in the gym. Then she grabbed my shoulder.

"Please Edward, just give me a chance." she begged pathetically.

I've had enough.

"I'M GAY!" I screamed. "THAT'S WHY I DON'T WANT YOU!"

Everybody gasped, and complete silence filled the room. Until Emmett decided to break that.

"Like oh my _gosh_, Eddie."

**A/N: Haha, I'm posting part two tomorrow! This chapter was really weird and fun to write, just like everything else I write. Hope it was fun to read though! **

**BerryBella**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I**_** wish**_** I owned Twilight.**

**A/N: This is chapter 2! (no duh.) That's about it. It's pretty random and weird, since I don't actually like having a plot. I just wrote it all from my stream of consciousness. Please review!**

My mouth dropped open, and I could practically hear the sound of everyone else's jaw drop too. Emmett was laughing, while all the girls looked like they had a pencil shoved up their butt. The gym teacher's big basketball boobs looked like they had deflated a little bit. Edward's face looked completely serious. Then the talking began.

"WHAT? How did I ever fall for a gay guy?"

"Now he can't go out with me!"

"What the hell, Cullen. What the hell."

"Dude, that is just wrong on so many levels."

"Doesn't he have a girlfriend?"

"YES! EDWARD'S GAY!"

Who ever said the last one really scared me, were they going to make a move on Edward? Ms. Amber cleared her voice.

"Well, are you like absolutely positively sure that your absolutely posi-----"she asked.

"YES! I'M SURE!" Edward screeched. "I LOVE BOYS! I THINK THEIR

HOT!"

"I HATE YOU!" the substitute yelled, tears running down her eyes. "EDWARD, YOU ARE SUCH AN IDIOT!"

Okay that went a little too far. The guys looked like they wanted to puke even more, if that was even possible. Lauren was staring into oblivion and shaking her head back and forth.

Among all of the disgusted face, Mike Newton's face stood out. His face was twisted into a mischievous grin. Although I wasn't sure what he was smiling about. I mean, he can't possibly be interested in Edward.

She ran out of the classroom. Of course the boys were watching her boobs bounce. Some of the girls looked at their own cleavage a little insecurely. Edward turned around and smiled.

"I am not gay. I only said that because she was stalking me." he said. "I am going out with Bella. Please do not take any of this seriously."

"Yeah right. Why wouldn't you want her stalking you unless you were gay?" some guy said.

The bell rang and everyone immediately dashed to the locker rooms. I splashed water on my face as I heard the other girls gossiping about gay Edward. I had to admit, I never saw that coming. I walked over, and Lauren immediately spun me around.

"You're going out with a gay guy?" she said condescendingly.

"You really are clueless, aren't you?" I said. "Edward only said that because he didn't want Ms. Amber to stalk him anymore. You guys actually believed that?"

"Well, yeah!" she said while popping her gum and twirling her finger around her hair. "I mean, he basically yelled it!"

I rolled my eyes and just went to change.

Edward was standing right outside the door, waiting for me. He still looked normal, but his words were pretty convincing..._No Bella, don't think that way!_ He immediately kissed me, not that I minded of course. Of course he was trying to prove to everyone else that he was not gay, he sounded really convincing. He pulled away, and swept a lock of hair behind my ear.

"'Hi' to you too." I joked.

"Bella, you understand." he almost pouted. "I only said that because I wanted her to stop stalking me. Now the whole school thinks I'm into men."

"Do I even want to go to the cafeteria for lunch?" I asked while I started walking to my locker.

His face contorted into a mix or pain and confusion.

"Oh well, I'll have to go someday. Might as well get it over with." he said.

"Alright." I said, while imagining the possibilities.

Edward opened my locker in a swift motion and took out my text books. Everyone was staring, and they really sucked at 'whispering'. Then we bravely walked to the cafeteria. He never stopped holding my hand, or if he did, then he would sling his arm around my shoulders.

"Why don't you just tape a sign to your forehead saying 'I'm not gay'?" I joked.

"Yeah, then _everyone_ will believe me." he said, looking pretty miserable.

"Hey, there's nothing wrong with being gay, I mean I heard it can be pretty fun!" I said enthusiastically. "Ok, that went out wrong."

He grinned a crooked smile that turned into a sigh. Then he kissed me again, and people started whispering louder. I pushed open the doors.

All eyes were on us, but I just kept staring at Edward' deep green sweater. This could not be more mortifying. He still had his arm around me, and we just walked straight to the Cullen table.

"Amazing Edward." Rosalie sneered.

I think Edward was too depressed to talk or something. He just sat there, looking at the table with a death glare.

"Um, Edward?" someone said.

I turned around, and it was Mike. He was _blushing_. I felt very, very scared. Then I glanced over to Edward, who looked like he just ate a werewolf

"I heard your, uh, speech at gym." he said quietly.

"Mike?" Edward said.

"Yes Edward?" Mike said.

"Please go to hell." he said quietly.

"Well, can I at least read a poem to you? Okay, I'll read it." he said quickly, before whipping out a little scrap of paper from his pocket.

"Edward, oh Edward,

ever since I met you,

I noticed your eyes,

a beautiful golden hue.

Edward, oh Edward

your red luscious lips,

match up perfectly,

with your sexy little hips.

Edward, oh Edward,

today you're in luck,

because I invite you to my house,

and all night we will f—"

"WHAT THE? MIKE!" I yelled. "DO YOU HAVE NO SHAME?"

Edward pressed his face into the table. I don't think he would ever speak again.

"So, does that mean you're not interested?" he asked.

Speechless, we all set our head down on the table.

**A/N: Haha, the poem was my favorite part. So I'm currently studying for finals, so I might not add another one-shot for 2 days to 1 week. Hope that was fun to read! REVIEW! I got 9 reviews last time, but there was 78 story alerts. Well I can't force you, but I'll give you a virtual hug! :D**

**BerryBella**


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